It is 16 degrees and dark outside. Judah has awoken very early, before I even get the chance to open my eyes in my warm bed from a night of too little sleep. Because my child has no concept of independent play, he pretty much spends the next few hours wandering around our 1-bedroom condo (it's amazing how much he can wander in a space this tiny). I give him activities, I set timers, and I intermittently play with him. I play music, and I even turn on the Disney Channel for 30 minutes~until he yet again is wandering and expending his very short attention span for a brief moment with a toy before moving on to wandering again. Three hours later, I am still suffering from a headache I myself awoke with and praying I will eventually find the energy to face the day. It is not even 9am. Judah is beginning to whine incessantly (I'm sure because he is getting tired since he's been awake for several hours now). At this point, we must get ready to attend church...something we do every Wednesday morning. With each transition (potty break, breakfast, quiet play, getting dressed, etc.), I give him several warnings with plenty of advanced notice. Each transition is still a struggle, complete with running from me, physically fighting me, and exclamations of how he doesn't want to do whatever I'm asking of him. It is still 16 degrees outside. But the sun is now shining at least, and we need to take our dog out to potty herself before we leave for church. We spend several minutes bundling up with several layers and I tell Judah he can choose a toy to take with us or ride his scooter out. Moments of whining and negotiation pass and he chooses neither, leaving the house empty handed. He is not crying when I lock the door, so I have a glimmer of hope that this short outside trip will be okay and he may even help with the dog. We ride down the elevator and walk out the front door of our condo building. The cold air hits me like a freight train and at that moment I know our poor dog is only going to get a brief chance to pee. It is at that moment, also, that I realize that glimmer of hope I had was just that...a glimmer. Judah immediately bursts into angry tears, shouting that he wants to ride his scooter. Really? He had multiple chances to decide this about 10 minutes and 20 layers ago. With a dog in one hand, and trying to hold my child's hand in the other, Judah quickly escapes in our condo's driveway (very near the street), plants on the ground far away from me, screams, then refuses to come inside after our dog has done her business. Trying not to let the dog escape as well, I try to physically drag my screaming child inside the building. After I make it back inside our condo, he has beyond lost it but it is now time to leave again for church. I strap him tightly in a stroller just so I can get him back outside and into our car safely. He screams pretty much the entire way until we reach our destination, almost falling asleep when we arrive. I soon realize that I've forgotten everything I need for church, but at least we've arrived safely in one piece. And we've gotten out of the house~ a necessity after hours of struggle there. I honestly cannot wait to take Judah to his class and get a much needed emotional and physical break.
**Disclaimer~Just like many of you with kiddos transitioning from toddlers to "big kids," we are going through lots of changes these days~ potty training, no more paci, big boy bed, etc....hence Judah's proposed source of exhaustion. And if you are wondering if Judah received any sort of discipline throughout any of this scenario, the answer is YES. In fact, I'm pretty sure I spend the majority of my days disciplining my almost-three-year-old...hence my own exhaustion. **
Does any of this sound familiar to you? For your sake, I truly hope not. But if so, know that I deeply empathize with you. I love Judah more than anything in the world and I know he is a good, sweet kid. I am honored to be his mother, and I know that so many of his traits that I find so difficult now will serve him well one day. But there are so many difficult moments these days, and I'm hoping they will pass soon. As I'm driving home from church, I'm brainstorming all the strategies in my repertoire as mom and school psychologist....reward charts, transition boards, etc. Still feeling the stress of motherhood and weight of guilt upon my shoulders, this is the first thing I read in my inbox as Judah finally crashes (literally) into his nap...
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." 2 Thessalonians 3:16 ...
Throughout the Bible we're shown how to celebrate and enjoy life, despite stressful situations. How to find joy, despite circumstances. How to overcome stress, despite constant balancing acts. How to not only survive the storms of life, but stay afloat in the midst of them. From Genesis to Revelation, we can discover infinite suggestions for biblical stress relief.
2 Thessalonians 3:16 encourages us that Jesus Himself provided a solution to stress. Peace is only available in and through Him.
Stress is not a sign of the times; it's a sign of living. Always has been, and always will be. Our stressors may be different today than when Jesus walked the earth, but the overwhelming power stress holds over our hearts is the same.
Dear Lord, I am drowning in stress and I have tried everything to relieve it — except for You. Forgive me not trusting You enough to believe that You offer the peace I am searching for. Today, I invite You into my circumstances, and into my life, and ask You to open my eyes to see the real truth and stress relief that my heart is aching for. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
~Taken from Proverbs 31 Ministries devotion, Tracie Miles
Thank you, Lord, for this sweet reminder. Thank you, Lord, for making me a mother....even amidst these difficult moments, for I know they are refining me and drawing me closer to you. Thank you, Lord, that I do not have to rely on my own efforts but that You provide me with the source of your endless strength. Grant me wisdom, patience, and grace as I face each day responsible for this precious gift you have bestowed upon me. Amen.
Amen sista'. You are so awesome and know these struggles are literally duplicated in my house, states away. It can feel like we are all alone, when in fact we are going through the exact same things (ok, I admit I have a few more square feet than you). Love you and keep up the good work. Thanks for keeping it real.
ReplyDeleteOh Ginger, you are not alone. My breaking point often happens on the weekend. Drew works some on Saturdays and it's so hard to be alone with two kids when I'm tired from a long week at work. Last Saturday Libby woke at 6:30 am ready to be entertained for the day. By 9 am I was reduced to tears. All the while I was disappointed with myself as a mother. Shouldn't I feel blessed to be a mom and not worn out and angry that Drew was at work?
ReplyDeleteNo matter what stage our young children are in, IT IS HARD! Don't ever think you are alone when those daily struggles come along. Those emotions are real. And God loves us no matter what. I certainly asked Him to forgive me after I've let my attitude get the best of me.
You are a good mother. Period!
This is such a difficult age.... We definitely have those up and down days around these parts! But you're right, God uses those moments to draw us to him, so we lean on him. We can't do it alone and he doesn't want us to. Judah is so blessed to have you as his Mommy! Love you friend!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to be honest about our day to day struggles as moms but I think when we are it helps us realize that we aren't alone. It's hard to know what tone to strike on the blog. I totally empathize with you! AND, I am so over this cold weather. Ready to pack the big coats, hats and gloves away. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI love you, Ginger! I don't have enough space to commiserate all my kiddo stresses with you! ha Even sweet Jane is rocking the boat these days. Ahhhhhhhhhh! wink Know that you aren't alone, and thank you for the scripture. I needed the reminder myself.
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding? Of course you are not the only one dealing with this. It is ca-razy at all times at my house. :) I feel like all I do some days is discipline or yell at my kids then I feel bad at the end of the day. It's a daily struggle...but so wonderful to know that His grace is sufficient at all times. Love "real life" blogging. Everyone can relate. :)
ReplyDelete