New

“You didn’t know how bad it was going to be, did you?,” my dear friend asked last week over dinner. As I finished the last sip of wine, “No” escaped my lips before the glass reached the table. I really didn’t. Or did I, and rather refused to believe the reality awaiting me? Regardless, I was not prepared...but who would be? 

The picture you see above is a caricature of the past six months...the screaming baby, the aloof three year-old, the determined husband~and me, the mommy and wife who is trying her hardest to smile through it all, albeit behind super shades to hide the evidence of sleepless nights and stress. 

Many of you know that about a week after my last blog post, life blew up for the Nix family. When the baby was a mere two weeks old, we relocated to Alabama; the husband started a new job; we moved into an old home which we quickly realized needs more than a facelift; the three-year-old stopped sleeping and peed in his pants more than we all like to remember; and the baby, well, I’m pretty sure the word I’m looking for is “colicky.”  As if that weren’t enough, I had a doctor look me in the eyes and tell me I had a 50% chance of having cancer. (This definitely deserves its own post; thankfully the biopsy was negative.)

While I never lost my sanity (the husband may disagree ;), I certainly lost my clarity. The fog was real, it was heavy, and it definitely impaired my vision. Thankfully, I have a partner who is committed and showers me with unconditional love; family and friends who generously love me; and a faith that yields a God who is patient and gracious. Amidst the fog, my God gave me vibrant rays of sunshine at just the right times and colorful rainbows to remind me of his promises. 

I don’t recall the exact day the tears stopped falling.  Or when the first home-cooked meal appeared on the table. Or when the yoga pants magically changed to something a bit more fashionable. I suppose the transformation paralleled the changing of the Alabama seasons, slow and subtle yet with bursts of warmth or chill that seemed out of place at times. Make no mistake~there are still tears, I ate Chick-fil-A and take-out pizza this weekend, and I’m currently writing in my most favorite yoga pants, but... I’m writing~ with thanksgiving and clarity. 

I hope to continue to write, to share the enormity of blessings I’ve been gifted...and also to keep it real, when focusing on the blessings seems impossible. Here’s to a new year, in a new town, and a reNEWed spirit.