It happened around his third birthday. It was a typical school morning, consisting of rushing out of the door only to catch our breath on the typically calm 15-minute drive to the little church that Judah calls school. Breaking the silence about half-way there was Judah's sweet little voice..."Mommy?" (The "mommy" I knew would be followed by an observation or a question). "Yes, Judah?" "We look different," he said. At that moment, the world stopped for me. What? This isn't supposed to happen for another year or so. What am I supposed to say? Before I had a chance to respond, he continues while holding up his arm..."I'm brown and you're um, umm.....pink." Still trying to come up with a monumental response, I say "That's right honey, our skin is different." I then immediately launched into my "filed away" answer, "God made all of us different, sweetie." And just like that, he was on to talking about something else. Not sure what...perhaps someone walking on the sidewalk, the traffic light, a tall tree....I'm not sure because I was still pondering the previous 3 second conversation.
Why was I shocked? He is a bright kid. I've read the books and research and know that he's not too far ahead of the curve for noticing skin color differences. Why did I feel like I didn't know what to say? After all, I've thought about these conversations waaayyy too much already (thank you psychologist/analyst brain). Why did I have an "Uh oh/Oh no"moment? It's not a bad thing; it's actually a beautiful thing.
After kissing him good-bye in the classroom and spending more time reflecting upon his three-word statement in the parking lot, I realized it's simply the loss of innocence that makes me sad. The innocence is still there for now (it's just a pink vs. brown color observation), and it will more than likely stay that way for a while. I just know that comment was the beginning point on a long continuum....unfortunately, a continuum that will lead to less pleasant conversations in our future.
Wouldn't it be nice if we, as individuals and as a society, still had this innocence? A world where color of skin was not attached to meaning, hierarchy, or stereotype? A world where we are truly not judged by the color of our skin but by the content of our character, as one of our greatest leaders once proclaimed? I have to say that being the mommy of my beautiful child with brown skin has forced me to swallow the truth....this world is cruel and the innocence will soon come to an end. Dinner table conversations at our house will be different....and I'm glad. I just pray that the Lord equips us with the words and actions to guide our sweet Judah in truth and love. I pray that He sends other people of color into Judah's life to influence and mentor him. And most importantly, I pray that He protects Judah's heart and gives him strength and courage to face this colorful world in which we live.
