Well, the good news is that tomorrow marks 5 months since being placed on our agency's official wait list. What does this mean? (I hear you asking.) It means that we are getting closer and closer to that ever-so-important phone call (also known as the referral) to introduce us to our baby for the first time. Our agency's statistics indicate that most couples receive this phone call about 7 or 8 months after being placed on the wait list; our case workers encourage us to expect the later end of this time frame so we will be surprised rather than disappointed. We've taken heed to this advice and are expecting this phone call to occur possibly some time in May or June. However, it is is difficult to not get our hopes up when we hear news that nearby friends who are adopting through our agency received their referral one day shy of 6 months! So literally, this phone call could be any day now or as late as this summer. Recently I've been told, "It's like you're an expectant mother with an indefinite due date." That's exactly right, which makes the wait that much more difficult!
While we are truly excited and filled with joyful anticipation for the day we will see our sweet baby's face for the first time (through pictures in an email), we also are experiencing some not-so-exciting emotions while we wait. Jeff and I are so grateful for everyone's sincere curiosity, and we are thankful you are joyfully waiting with us. However, we also ask that you join us in prayer as we strive for peace and still hearts. Adoption is a beautiful gift, but it does not come without heartache. You see, the time line (and my intuition) tells me that our baby is more than likely born into this world already. Knowing this brings both happiness and sadness. The reasons for my happiness are obvious, but the feelings of sadness and worry are beginning to emerge more often than I'd like. Is our baby safe? Where is our baby sleeping tonight? Is he/she hungry, cold, scared? How is the birth mother holding up? Is she still alive? Who is caring for our baby? The reality is that our baby is (or will soon be) in a government-run orphanage. I've gained insight of what these orphanages are like by talking with others who have visited and reading accounts like this one describing one of the Ethiopian orphanages in 2007:
"...I was led into a nursery where the infants were kept. What immediately stood out was the lopsided ratio between children and workers. For every eight or nine infants, there was only one worker to meet their needs...In addition, I was somewhat taken back by the heavy smells of urine, sweat, and dried feces that stung my nose and eyes. Looking down at my feet, I saw a dirty cot with ten infants almost stacked on each other, all swaddled in mangy blankets, some sleeping, others screaming..." *
Tears fill my eyes as I write this, as I picture our sweet baby in these conditions. And my heart grows even heavier to know that there are millions of children all over the world living in these types of environments. But just like He has continued to do over the past several years while Jeff and I have prayed about expanding our family, God provides and the Holy Spirit speaks. I've recently been learning through an amazing study that the Holy Spirit speaks to us persistently, personally, peacefully, and verifiably through His word. So, God knows my heart has been heavy and He is witnessing my sleepless nights; and during my time with Him this week, these two verses were revealed to me. I do not think it was by chance. Do you?
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. " - John 14:27
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalms 27:13-14
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalms 27:13-14
Thank you, Lord, for speaking to me this week. I feel your peace. I am striving to remain strong. I am taking heart. And I am waiting for You.
*from the book, From Ashes to Africa by Josh and Amy Bottomly
*from the book, From Ashes to Africa by Josh and Amy Bottomly
