Well, the good news is that tomorrow marks 5 months since being placed on our agency's official wait list. What does this mean? (I hear you asking.) It means that we are getting closer and closer to that ever-so-important phone call (also known as the referral) to introduce us to our baby for the first time. Our agency's statistics indicate that most couples receive this phone call about 7 or 8 months after being placed on the wait list; our case workers encourage us to expect the later end of this time frame so we will be surprised rather than disappointed. We've taken heed to this advice and are expecting this phone call to occur possibly some time in May or June. However, it is is difficult to not get our hopes up when we hear news that nearby friends who are adopting through our agency received their referral one day shy of 6 months! So literally, this phone call could be any day now or as late as this summer. Recently I've been told, "It's like you're an expectant mother with an indefinite due date." That's exactly right, which makes the wait that much more difficult!
While we are truly excited and filled with joyful anticipation for the day we will see our sweet baby's face for the first time (through pictures in an email), we also are experiencing some not-so-exciting emotions while we wait. Jeff and I are so grateful for everyone's sincere curiosity, and we are thankful you are joyfully waiting with us. However, we also ask that you join us in prayer as we strive for peace and still hearts. Adoption is a beautiful gift, but it does not come without heartache. You see, the time line (and my intuition) tells me that our baby is more than likely born into this world already. Knowing this brings both happiness and sadness. The reasons for my happiness are obvious, but the feelings of sadness and worry are beginning to emerge more often than I'd like. Is our baby safe? Where is our baby sleeping tonight? Is he/she hungry, cold, scared? How is the birth mother holding up? Is she still alive? Who is caring for our baby? The reality is that our baby is (or will soon be) in a government-run orphanage. I've gained insight of what these orphanages are like by talking with others who have visited and reading accounts like this one describing one of the Ethiopian orphanages in 2007:
"...I was led into a nursery where the infants were kept. What immediately stood out was the lopsided ratio between children and workers. For every eight or nine infants, there was only one worker to meet their needs...In addition, I was somewhat taken back by the heavy smells of urine, sweat, and dried feces that stung my nose and eyes. Looking down at my feet, I saw a dirty cot with ten infants almost stacked on each other, all swaddled in mangy blankets, some sleeping, others screaming..." *
Tears fill my eyes as I write this, as I picture our sweet baby in these conditions. And my heart grows even heavier to know that there are millions of children all over the world living in these types of environments. But just like He has continued to do over the past several years while Jeff and I have prayed about expanding our family, God provides and the Holy Spirit speaks. I've recently been learning through an amazing study that the Holy Spirit speaks to us persistently, personally, peacefully, and verifiably through His word. So, God knows my heart has been heavy and He is witnessing my sleepless nights; and during my time with Him this week, these two verses were revealed to me. I do not think it was by chance. Do you?
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. " - John 14:27
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalms 27:13-14
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalms 27:13-14
Thank you, Lord, for speaking to me this week. I feel your peace. I am striving to remain strong. I am taking heart. And I am waiting for You.
*from the book, From Ashes to Africa by Josh and Amy Bottomly
*from the book, From Ashes to Africa by Josh and Amy Bottomly
Ginger, thank you for explaining the emotions you are going through. It's so hard to imagine dealing with the weight of the unknown. I've just said a prayer for you and that your restlessness be calmed and will continue to ask God's blessing for your family. Thinking of you today. I can't wait for you to get that long-awaited phone call!
ReplyDeleteOh Ging! Thanks for sharing your heart. The description of the orphanage is heartbreaking. It makes me want to take half a dozen myself! I will be praying for you and Jeff as you await your referral and for sweet Baby E's health and care.
ReplyDeleteMy book [Ashes to Africa] arrives today, btw!
OK, so this weekend I found out about a program that is so cool!! It's through HOLT international- they have a program where you can sponsor a child that's going to be adopted! So, the sponsorship lasts 6-18 months but the $ goes to make sure the child is cared for, loved, fed, has doctor's care, etc. How cool is that!!
ReplyDeleteGinger,
ReplyDeleteI was checking in to see where y'all are in your process. If I can encourage you as one who has watched her two children grow up in pictures for over a year now, I will say this...God has, can and will always care infinitely better for your children that you ever can or will. I began learning this lesson with our bio daughter as I worried over every little cough or fuss or spit-up, realizing with each one that God knew what she needed when I couldn't figure it out and that He was even allowing my ignorance as a new mommy as part of the story that will hopefully result in her redemption one day. With our boys, who were referred to us January 2009, it took months to realize the thought running through my head of "but they need a mommy and daddy, no matter how well they are cared for by our agency, they need us" was fundamentally a lie. The One they need is Christ...we will certainly benefit them greatly and I know God will use us mightily in their lives, but their need for Him greatly outshines their need for me or my husband. So, in my worries and fears about them and how they were doing these last 13 months, God has graciously shown me how to constantly entrust them to His care. Even this week God took care of our oldest in a special and unique way that I could have never orchestrated. I hope this encourages you...I really do know the feelings you are experiencing, but I know they are feelings that the enemy delights in and that our Heavenly Father wants us to take captive. He is Father to the Fatherless and He will care well for your little one...trust Him alone to do so!
Virginia - I am a friend of Tiffany Keene. She shared your story and I checked out your blog. And I am so glad that I did!!! We are strongly considering and praying about adoption from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. I will pray for your sweet Baby E and that God will continue to protect your little one until your child is home in your arms. God bless. Rachel www.babywebbsite.com
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